Remember the wonderful days of 2003? When you couldn't go anywhere without hearing the sweet poetry of "Go shawty, it's yo birthday, we gon' sip Bacardi like it's yo' birthday, you know we dont give a f*ck it's yo' birthday"? When smiling children played with out a care in their hearts in their terribly designed, over-sized G-Unit t-shirts? When all the hit songs were about either murder, money or terrible double entendres? Those were the days and one man ruled then and his name was Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson.
But alas, this world has changed. Despite following Eminem's winning formula of releasing the exact same album under a different name every few years and expecting people to not notice, 50's most recent album "Before I self Destruct" dissapeared into bargain bins instantly. The feature film he wrote, directed, produced and starred in didn't even make it to direct-to-video.
Yes that's right, 50 Cent is lip-syncing on a webcam video with a 15 year old boy. Why is 50 Cent is lip-syncing on a webcam video with a 15 year old boy? How did he get into this 15 year old's room? Have things gotten so bad he had to leave his mansions and move in with him, and due to how he can no longer even afford to pay rent to a 15 year old he now has to appear in webcam lip-syncs with him just to get by? How much does a 15 year old demand for rent? Why is the font appearing to get smaller as I type this? So many questions. And who has the answers? Not 50 Cent. I know in this crazy world people just dont seem to have room in their hearts for songs tilted "I Get Money", "I Still Kill" and "My Gun Go Off" but that doesn't mean give up, Fiddy!!! Heck, you once claimed that if Kanye West's "Graduation" album outsold you you'd quit music, and when it absolutely destroyed you comercially and critically, you kept going! Life presents these struggles and you have to fight through them, not lip-sync with a 15 year old through them!
Anyway there's still hope. When this movie comes out, and wins every single Oscar (including best actor AND actress for 50 Cent), I predict we'll see another wonderful reign from our old friend Curtis. Good luck!
(And as you can tell, I really don't want to be working, hence why I've spent so long writing this...)